Tuesday, February 22, 2011

127 Ways To Not Write A 10 Minute Play

This is my list. Your results may vary.

Write a 9 minute play.
Write a 15 minute play.
Don’t write anything at all.
Get hit in the head with a rock.
Spend time with your 3 year-old.
Take a hike in the woods - and get lost.
Go to the emergency room.
Stare into space, ponder string theory.
Get stuck for the weekend in an elevator.
Listen to the inner demons.
Stick to practicing law.
Think of your real job as your real career.
Lose your laptop.
Poke a knife into the toaster when it's still plugged in.
Be resentful.
Believe you’re not good enough.
Review your stamp collection.
Make a movie.
Watch season 4 of "The Wire" for the weekend.
Spend your Saturday and Sunday yelling at Fox News.
Drive down 1. (Or up.)
Spend time with your partner.
Try to find yourself in the desert.
Break-up with a loved one.
Spend more time kissing on the couch.
Go to the theatre.
Think you take “just a little trip” to Costco.
Convince yourself that it’s all been seen and done before.
Build a birdhouse.
Paint the kitchen cabinets.
Join the Socialist Workers Party.
Get arrested.
Insist you are little enough to go in the “Jumpy House.”
Join the Armed Services.
Pay attention to the news.
Balance your check book.
Do your taxes.
Read a book.
Read a play.
Kill the Swede! Kill the Swede!
Bake a cake.
Re-arrange furniture.
Chop wood.
Take up candle-making.
Volunteer at the food bank.
Take care of someone who’s sick.
Get sick.
Rail in anger at the sky.
Just be skeptical and cynical and unhappy.
Be afraid.
Undare yourself.
Devote your weekend to being naked.
Have a party that never ends.
Speak at a funeral.
Stand up for a friend.
Think about it too much.
Clean the fridge.
Learn to hack the system.
Arrive late.
Take a call from an old friend.
Adopt a pet.
Don an orange jump suit and clean up the roadside.
Write a movie.
Concept a spec TV idea.
Write agents who don’t write back.
Tell yourself you’re too good.
Read all your old New Yorkers.
Gaze at your navel. Ponder.
Identify clouds in the sky.
Fly a kite.
Spend time with your wife.
Go down to the playground.
Stalk an old lover.
Google yourself, read the results.
Let tumblr find stuff for you.
Get mixed up in the Mexican drug wars.
Contract a disease, like the flu.
Look for an apartment.
Fall in love.
Fall out of love.
Build a case for marriage. (Or divorce.)
Make a proposal.
Write a letter.
Do your amends.
Admit you have a problem.
Work on your thesis.
Hit the snooze button on the alarm.
Unexpected orgy.
Peel grapes.
Yell at people on the street corner.
Buy tickets to Europe.
Make an unending list.
Think about a girl’s tattoo.
Attend a wedding.
Fix your bike.
Vegas, baby!
Carnivale Cruise lines, here we come!
Mow the lawn.
Pick your nose.
Build a better mouse trap.
See where BART really goes.
Spend time with your husband.
Piss and moan about the 49ers.
Edit yourself.
Can some peaches.
Dead Space 2.
Go to L.A.
Synch up your iphone.
Apply to grad school.
Spend time with someone, anyone.
Carry a grudge.
Make a list like this.


  1. Every time we get a topic I do 93.63333% of the things on this list. Think I'm joking? I'm not. 90.8777777% of that time is taken up by "gaze at navel...ponder".

  2. ps. I've been waiting for "unexpected orgy" for years.

  3. Is there a way unexpected orgy could be combined with yelling at people on the corner? I'm assuming this would add get arrested to the list.


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