
Courtesy of Ms. Hartline, we're pleased to share the first two pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!
A Real
Humdinger
by Karen T. Hartline
Character
Breakdown
Jennifer
- Female - Age 35-40 - Any Race - A Work-at-home mom
Betty
- Female - Age 13 - Any Race - A bratty teen
Stanley
- Male - Age 5 - Any Race - A typical little brother
Fred
- Male - Age 35-40 - Caucasian - A dapper 1920's gentleman
JENNIFER sits at a computer in a messy
living room.
She is on the phone.
JENNIFER
Yes,
well, I will shoot you that proposal via emal ASAP, Mr. Sampson.
BETTY enters and slams her backpack
down.
JENNIFER
Well,
Mr. Samson, I assure you, my clients are my first priority. I’m truly
dedicated-
BETTY
School
is the worst! Why do you even make me go!
A baby starts crying in the other
room.
JENNIFER
Shit.
I mean, no sir, I didn’t mean you. I meant, shit I can’t wait to send you my
proposal!
Oh shit, I can’t wait! Right away, sir. My number one priority! Okay. Bye.
JENNIFER hangs up.
BETTY
Emily
told Brian that I said he’s cute and then Brian said that he would only like me
if I…
JENNIFER
Hold
on, I’m listening, just let me go get your brother, okay?
JENNIFER exits and reenters carrying a
screaming baby.
BETTY
This
family is the worst!
JENNIFER
Aw,
there we go now little guy... Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the-
BETTY
The
teacher gave like 50 thousand pounds of homework again today.
JENNIFER
Okay,
I’ll help you get started right after I send this email for work.
STANLEY enters, holding something on
his finger.
JENNIFER
Oh
goodness, Stanley, you’re up from your nap already. No!
STANLEY
Booger.
JENNIFER
Oh,
don’t give it to mommy. Be a big boy and get a tissue.
BETTY
Alexis
has an iPad to do all of her homework.
JENNIFER
Go
get a tissue for mommy. I already got you an iPhone, you’re not getting an
iPad.
STANLEY
Booger.
BETTY
Ugh,
so unfair! You’re the worst.
JENNIFER
Stanley,
tissue!
Stanley
wipes his finger in BETTY’s hair. She screams
and the two start fighting.
JENNIFER
Stop
it you two. Betty, let go of your brother. Stanley, don’t hit your sister. I
have to
send
this email!
FRED enters. He is dressed in 1920s
clothing and acts
like a dapper fellow from the period.
FRED
Well
if it isn’t my swell family all in one room! Who could ask for anything more,
huh?
STANLEY
Booger!
BETTY
You’re
the booger, you little-
JENNIFER
I
said stop it right now!
FRED
There’s
my gal.
JENNIFER
Yeah,
hi. Could you help me? Betty’s got tons of homework, I’ve got to send this
email...
FRED
Pos-i-lutely,
Doll.
FRED makes himself a drink.
JENNIFER
Oh,
great, because I’ve had one hell of a-
FRED
But
first, let me tell you a real humdinger of a story about my day.The big cheese
down
at
the office is goofy for this Gal we’ve got working there. He acts like a real
sap around
this
tomato and her the same. I don’t know what she sees in him. If you ask me, he’s
a
real
Palooka, if you know what I mean.
JENNIFER
No,
I don’t. Babe, could you tell me after I send this email? It’s really
important.
FRED
So
he comes on over to my desk and tells me - right in front of this dame, he
says, “Fred, you’re fired.” And he’s giving this Dumb Dora my position.
JENNIFER
You
lost your job?
----
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